I’m strong when I connect to the unconscious flow of thoughts and emotions
In physics, there are various forces, some incredibly strong, others weak. The force holding atoms together is strong; gravity is relatively weak. We can apply this idea of strong and weak forces to understanding our own minds.
The common perception is that the thinking mind is strong, and the unconscious is this little thing in the background we become aware of occasionally when it is, in fact, the force that has the strongest influence on our actions. The thinking mind is not weak but it’s also flighty, distracted, avoidant, even illogical and prone to wishful thinking.
Integrating Emotions Through Unconscious Awareness
As I write this, I have been sitting for a long time. As a result of the emotional events of today, I am feeling vulnerable. I have been digesting today’s strong emotions and unconscious awareness of them surface into my consciousness.
Part of this awareness is noticing the continuous flow of fantasies running through my mind. I’m thinking of doing things with other people in order to make myself feel whole. Imagining doing a workshop with a friend, for example. Imagining writing blog entries with brilliant input from others. Imagining I’m back with my father as he teaches me about life. Imagining adopting a new dog to replace Billy, who I lost several years ago. On and on it goes. This is certainly not the classic thinking mind at work. It’s more a churning up of random material from my unconscious trying to divert me from the heavy emotions at hand.
I notice this, and understand the process. I’ve learned that suppressing these fantasies is no help. Rather, I must let their energy dissipate so I can feel my feelings and then move on to more productive activities.
Each time I notice the thought, I recognize it as a fantasy, and then sit with the emotions that are left. Some Buddhists would call this dismissing the object. I do this again, again and again. Still, new fantasies come popping in. As I learn to understand the force behind these fantasies and confront my vulnerabilities I nurture my ego integrity, allowing me to reconcile different aspects of myself. Now, finally after an hour of this work, I’m beginning to feel whole again.
What a ride down a wild river I have just been taking. But I have a strong rudder. And I am coming out whole.
My Safe Space
The approach I am using is based on the idea of “my safe space”. A space I imagine as an invisible bubble around me, one with very firm boundaries that allows me to keep others outside of it.
When safe in this space I can allow the strong thoughts and emotions from my unconscious into my conscious mind, without fears that I might act them.
When I’m feeling strong and know I am in my protective space, I can tolerate the flow of avoidant fantasies and impulses.
Now, finally having dismissed fantasy after fantasy, I feel once again that I am strong. And capable of taking care of the unconscious material coming up from my scared little child self. My heart starts beating at a comfortable rhythm again. My breathing slows. I am safe. I see clearly. My conscious mind finally has a chance to do its thing.
